fairy dust

when i turned on my laptop, i wanted to write something happy. something positive. something that feels good. so i fixed myself a cup of coffee, lit a cigarette and started to write. feeling writer, eh. hehe. coffee and cigarette.. sabi ni mahal, ganyan daw ang trip ng mga writers pag nagsusulat sila. eh wala eh... nagfi-feeling eh. bwehehehehe.

i finished half the cup of coffee and one cigarette in no time. but there was nothing in my screen. i lit another one. i turned off the lights. darkness usually gives me great ideas. something happy. something good. something positive.

and the result? well... just go look at the previous post.

someone, a close friend at that, told me the other day that i am a 100% bitch. oh yeah? sure, i was on this 'bitch mode on' since the start of the week, but i was still trying to be nice and calm. i kept my mouth shut so as to avoid saying something bitchy. i stayed quiet. i was having hell days at work. being called a 100% bitch doesnt help at all. you have been so nice, pal. thank you sooo much. it was your lucky day. or else, i could have shown you how bitchy i can be.

so...
as i was saying, i wanted to come up with something nice. some writings that will make me smile when i read it. i was challenging myself, convincing myself that i can feel great even if i don't. but it was kinda tough writing something happy when you are feeling otherwise.

i used to say happiness is just a state of mind. my mind controls my emotion. i can be happy when i want to. and i can be freaking sad even if everyone else around me is laughing. if i want to.

peter pan said... just think of lovely wonderful thoughts and they will lift you up in the air.

think of happy thoughts... for happy thoughts can make you fly. this often works for me. but not this time.