shadow speaks

a friend once asked me...

when do you give up?
when do you let go?
when do you say it's time to stop waiting and start moving on?

i simply said... i don't know.

and then he said...

if you are going to ask me that,
my answer would be...
never.




i have loved you in the past. i still love you now. and i guess i'll be loving you for the rest of my life. it's crazy. i'm crazy. because loving you is pain. i continue to love you even if i'm getting myself hurt. i don't know what lies ahead, what the future has to offer me, yet i'm still waiting for you. and it's been years. maybe it will all go to nothing in the end. but that, i don't care much.

i only care about you. there wasn't a day when i didn't think of you. maybe you don't know it, but that's just how it is. you are a part of me. sometimes, just thinking about you makes me smile. when i was having a bad day, i will just look at something that reminds me of you and everything will seem ok. little things. so little, yet i could say to myself... what am i gonna do without you? but the funny thing about it... it really is without you. because no matter how much i think of you, and no matter what i do, it remains the same... i don't really have you. love. pain. crazy.

there is nothing much to say. i don't ask for anything. i don't have much to offer either. i only have my love for you... something that grows deeper each day. if there is someone who makes me happy, that would be you. it's just... i don't know... amazing, perhaps... that though you make me happy, you also make me sad. it's true that one of the worse things that could ever happen is to be made sad by the only person who can make you happy. but it doesn't really matter. i wouldn't still be here otherwise.

sometimes, i don't feel sure of anything, and nothing seems to be right. but what i'm sure of is that... if i did something wonderful or great, and i wanted to brag about it to someone, that would be you. if i wanted to share my happiness and my sadness with someone, that would be you. if there was one person i wanted to be proud of me, that would be you. if i wanted someone to hold me and tell me that everything will be ok, that would be you. and most of all, if there is someone i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, that would be you. now, tell me... do i need to say more?

i love you. no doubt about it. it was my choice. and it will always be like that.