merry christmas

merry christmas everyone.

merry. i should be happy. everyone is. well, i'm happy somehow. christmas day is one of the happiest days for me. it always is.

a part of me is happy. i've given so much today. it feels good. really good. i think i've made a lot of people happy, too. that feels good... twice.

some of the gifts are still with me. i didn't get the chance yet to see the people these gifts are for. maybe tomorrow. or the day after. or... i'm not really sure.

i'm happy.

but as much as i don't want it, a part of me is sad, too. lots of reasons. it's odd because i have reasons to be happy but i have a lot more reasons to be sad. on christmas day. what a life.

i miss my mom.

i miss my angel.

i miss my friends that i don't see anymore.

crazy, but i miss my sweet thing. dammit. he made me cry just a few minutes ago.

all the calls that i've made today have been taken except for one - the second most important one, the first being the call i've made to my mom. ahh... one gift might stay with me forever. i have a feeling that i won't be able to give out this one because i might not be able to see him again. why? no reason. just a feeling.

i think there is something that i must have done but i wasn't able to. i just don't know what it is exactly. sigh.

an hour more and this day will be over. a brand new day. i'm just not sure if it will be a brand new feeling. i hope so. i wasn't supposed to be sad. i don't even know why i feel this way. might be pms. hell, yeah. that must be the reason.

where is my fairy dust when i need it the most?

merry christmas, all!