-::- here i am... this is me -::-

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

untitled

i love you.

i accepted you in my life because i wanted to make you happy. it may sound simple and easy... but it's not. it's actually one of the biggest challenges for me. a task. for i know that you have been sad for a very long time. people, whether they were aware of it or not, have hurt you in the past and were still continuing to hurt you before i came. you cried because of them. you suffered pain because of them. i wanted to put an end to that. i wanted to put you out of your misery. yes, that was my mission.

it was an overwhelming feeling that i was succeeding during the first few days. days became weeks. weeks became months. i was happy seeing you happy. i was happy just thinking that after a long time, someone is happy again because of me.

but as it is considered normal and somehow expected in any relationships, we've had our bad days, too. and at times, i felt that i was desperately trying to reach for the stars, for the task was beginning to be more and more difficult as the days go. sometimes i will just look at something without actually seeing anything... deep inside thinking if i was doing the right thing.

i came to see something in myself that i didn't know even exists. the devil. the dark side. i was trying so hard to make things work the way i want them but i make them worse instead. i tried to change you. i wanted you to become somebody else. i wanted you to be like me. to think like i do. to see things the way i see them. i wanted our relationship to be perfect despite the fact that i know i wasn't perfect myself. and during the process, i always saw the ugly things. the imperfections. and even if i have never admitted it, i have always blamed you. in my eyes, you were always the one doing the wrong things, and i was always the one who's right. what made it worst is that i've said it all to your face. i was lashing you with words that i shouldn't have said in the first place. i was the devil who was trying to make you see how terrible you are at all times, in all cases. i make a big deal out of the small things you say. i misunderstand something because maybe i'm stupid, and then i put all the blame on you. i always see things the wrong way. i push you to talk even if i already know that it's very difficult for you to do so. i make you feel like crap. i make you always end up thinking that i was smart and you were stupid. and as you say, i always had something to say. like something to prove that i was right. yes, i admit it all now. and i'm only a few inches away from hating myself.

i'm sorry.

i wanted to save you from people who were treating you bad. i wanted them to stop hurting you and making you cry. but i ended up being one of them. for so many times, i have made you cry. for so many times, i have hurt you. what kind of a person am i? a monster, perhaps? and to think that in the beginning, i have promised myself that i will never hurt you and that i will never make you cry. i guess promises are really meant to be broken.

i love you. i'm sorry. i won't promise anything anymore. i won't say i'm not gonna make you cry nor hurt you ever again. but i will try not to. just please help me. i hope you will still give me the chance to make you happy. let me serve my purpose. let me fulfill my task. i love you. just that.

12 Comments:

Blogger anjiedy said...

as the song goes.. [sana tama lyrics ko] "you've got to love me for what i am, for simply being me..." --wag mo siang baguhin, hayaan mong magbago sia para saio.. besides, nung minahal mo sia, ganun na sia.. kung sakali mang magbabago sia, wag mong piliting ihulma sa naaayon sa gusto mo.. mahal mo sia... un ang importante

--i accepted you in my life because i wanted to make you happy.-- kung ako siguro.. i don't want you to make me happy.. i want us to be happy.. together.. with each other...

i love you. i'm sorry. i won't promise anything anymore. i won't say i'm not gonna make you cry nor hurt you ever again. but i will try not to. just please help me. i hope you will still give me the chance to make you happy. let me serve my purpose. let me fulfill my task. i love you. just that. [psst.. patawarin mo na, sorry na daw o.. chaka mahal na mahal ka nian.. promise..]

1:23 PM  
Blogger shadowlane said...

my apologies... i don't wanna imagine you singing this song, or any song for the matter. hehehe.

na-realize ko na lahat yan... and i admit i was wrong. duwag lang talaga at walang sapat na lakas ng loob na sabihin lahat yan sa kanya in person kaya dinaan sa blog. wala eh... nagso-sorry pa lang ako, naiiyak na ko eh.

teka... magkwentuhan ba dito? hehehe. [oo nga, patawarin mo na 'ko. magbabait na ko, pramis]

1:42 PM  
Blogger C Saw said...

Gusto mo na mag-make up ano? Lipstick? Eye liner? Blush?

Para maganda ka kapag nag make-up kayo. Make-up hug. make-up kiss. make-up teaser???

haaaaaay...love nga naman!

6:09 PM  
Blogger shadowlane said...

hehehe.

in character at nakapa-internalize ka naman nyan?

hindi ako marunong mag eye liner, eh. turuan mo ko?

6:24 PM  
Blogger racky said...

anong drama naman ito ngayon sistah? mas nagiging interesting lovestory mo...

nakikichika uli....

2:22 AM  
Blogger shadowlane said...

wala naman... gaya nga ng sabi mo... drama. wehehehehe.

8:48 AM  
Blogger J said...

alam mo naintindihan ko ang epekto ng 'i love you'sa sinulat mo

11:01 PM  
Blogger shadowlane said...

ramdam mo ba? hehehe.

8:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

baby, nahuhuli na ko sa balita ha..sino ba yan ha?..

4:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

opo tama ka ako to....

4:58 PM  
Blogger shadowlane said...

baby???

bes?

4:59 PM  
Blogger shadowlane said...

hahaha! ikaw nga.

hindi ka nahuhuli sa balita... sya pa rin yun :)

5:00 PM  

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"The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work." - Emile Zola (1840-1902)

-::- About Me -::-

Name: shadowlane

Location: Pasig City, Philippines

people think i'm crazy. most of the time they're right.

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