-::- here i am... this is me -::-

Friday, January 28, 2005

next level part 2

Date: Wed, 26 Jan 2005 08:39:07 -0800 (PST)
From: "name undisclosed" *&^%$#@!*&^%@yahoo.com
Re: Sorry
To: "name undisclosed" +^%$*!&@yahoo.com


andy,

hmmm... ano ba'ng pwede kong sabihin sayo? ilang beses ko ng nabasa 'tong email mo pero wala pa rin akong maisip sabihin. masakit kase ulo ko kaya siguro mahirap mag-isip.

well... wala yun. ok lang. ano nga ba naman yung christmas, new year, at higit sa lahat, yung birthday ko? mga normal na araw lang naman yun. walang difference kung na-greet mo ako o hinde. hehehe. nangonsyensya eh, noh? pero seryoso, ok lang yun. wag mo na masyado isipin. naiintindihan ko ang reason mo. naiintindihan kong hindi mo kayang sikmurain na i-greet ako ng anything merry or happy habang alam mong nalulungkot/malulungkot ako dahil sayo. bwahahhaha!!! sige na, tama na nga. basta kalimutan mo na yun. ok na.

medyo nag worry lang ako nung mga panahong hindi ka nagpaparamdam. muntik ko na nga tawagan yung nanay mo at itanong kung ano na ang nangyari sa'yo. hindi mo kase sinasagot yung calls ko. hindi ka rin nagte-text. eh alam mo naman ako. mawala ka lang ng ilang araw, natataranta na 'ko. kung anu-ano ang naiisip kong baka nangyari sa'yo. alam mo ba kung ano'ng mga naisip ko? eto... tingnan mo...

baka nawala ulit yung phone mo. kagaya nung mga nangyari dati kapag nawawala ka. remember? bigla ka lang mawawala ng matagal na panahon tapos babalik din, iba na yung number mo. buti na lang hindi ako nagpalit ng number ever. salamat kay homer na itinatago pa rin yung number ko hanggang ngayon. pero kung nawala lang yung phone mo, may email naman. may landline. di ba you still know my number by heart, sabi mo? at tsaka ang alam ko, ni-save mo yung number ko sa telepono ng nanay mo. sabi mo, para kung sakaling mawala yung phone mo, may back up source ka ng number ko. so.. imposibleng nawala lang yung phone mo eh hindi ka na nagparamdam.

baka namatay ka na. hehe. pero kung namatay ka nga, siguro naman kahit papa'no, mare-recover ng family mo yung telepono mo at ite-text yung mga number na nandun. o kaya, syempre ipapaalam nila kay homer na namatay ka na tapos si homer, ii-inform lahat ng kakilala nya na kakilala mo rin. isa na ko dun. kung sakali namang karumal-dumal yung pagkamatay mo at hindi na na-recover yung phone mo, siguro naman ite-text ng nanay mo yung mga number sa phone nya na alam nyang connected sa'yo.

baka nag-asawa ka na. nung naisip ko 'to, medyo natawa ako. hindi kase sumagi sa isip ko na posibleng gawin mo yun sa mga panahon na 'to. at least hindi muna. hindi ko in-expect na yung naisip kong pinagtawanan ko eh yun din pala ang magpapaiyak sa'kin. sabay tinadtad ng madaming tanong ang utak ko.

pero ngayon, alam ko na kung bakit ka nawala.

ok ka na siguro kase you got it out of your system na. good for you. mahirap yung pakiramdam ng sa tingin mo may dapat kang sabihin pero hindi mo sinasabi. sigurado, maluwag na ang dibdib mo ngayon kase nasabi mo na finally.

you hope that i am happy. ahmm... salamat po. hindi ko masabi kung masaya nga ba ako. ang alam ko, may nararamdaman akong sakit. pero ok lang, lilipas din 'to. bukas lang, ok na 'ko. pero masaya ka ba? kung masaya ka, syempre masaya rin ako para sa'yo. yun ang mas importante sa'kin ngayon. yung kung masaya ka.

hopefully sana makatext ka sa'kin. hopefully na nga, sana pa. ibig sabihin ba nyan, sobrang gusto mo pa rin mag text sakin? eh di magtext ka! ang dali-dali lang naman nun. hehe. pero seryoso, kung gusto mo ko i-text, mag text ka lang. walang namang nabago sa'kin. kung ano ako the last time na nag-text ka or the last time na nakita mo ako, ganun pa rin ako. makulit pa rin. senti pag minsan. i remain the same. nakausap mo ako kanina sa phone, ganun pa rin naman ako magsalita. ganun pa rin ako tumawa. ganun pa rin ako ka-comfortable kausap ka. nag-text din tayo kanina, ganun pa rin naman yung way ko ng pagte-text. so walang nabago. hindi nga lang ako sanay na hindi ka tinatawag ng mahal sa text/phone. hindi rin ako sanay ng hindi mo ko tinatawag ng mahal sa text. pero makakasanayan ko rin yun. yun nga lang, mababago ang set up natin. hindi ako magte-text sa'yo hanggang hindi mo ako ite-text. syempre, iba na ang situation mo. may magbabantay na ng phone mo for sure. baka mamaya, may mang-aaway ulit sa'kin kagaya nung dati. play safe. i-text mo ako para i-text kita. simple, di ba? hindi awkward ang mag-text sakin. ikaw lang naman ang nag-iisip na magiging awkward. ano nga ba ibig sabihin ng awkward?

well, ano pa ba? medyo gabi na rin, 1230 na pala. masakit na rin yung mata ko sa kakatingin sa screen. ano pa ba'ng masasabi ko? marami pa. pero wala na kong lakas. oras na para ipahinga ang pagod na isip at katawan.

congratulations po. goodluck sa bagong buhay. ninang ako ng first baby, ha? sana magkita pa tayo ulit. stay happy. kung may problema and you want to share it with me, alam mo naman kung nasaan ako. pag inaaway ka nya, sabihin mo sa'kin, aawayin ko rin sya. ingatan mo yung sarili mo. mahal na mahal kita.

ingat din po.


reych



11 Comments:

Blogger anjiedy said...

as i've said a while ago... you are better off w/out him... he's not good enough for you...

i just wish...

basta... =(

11:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well i think nothing that i will say will make u feel better for now but i'll try my luck. here it goes...while i was reading next level 1, i thought it's a she who wrote it & wondering all along who could it be. then, as i came to the sender's name i felt awful. i wanted to laugh at myself for thinking it was a girl but i couldn't coz i wondered how u felt at that time.

the other day when we had our chat i mentioned to u that i read ur new entries already. well i was trying to know how u were coping with it coz i can't see u, ur eyes. but u just gave me a smile. so i knew u don't wanna talk about it.

now, here u r. great reply. i'm proud of how ur handling the situation. that's my ate!!!!!!!!

and like ganda said he's not worth it, he doesn't deserve someone as special as u.

7:39 PM  
Blogger shadowlane said...

anjiedy, diche...

you both know that you are two of the most special people in my life. i'm sure you know how i'm feeling now no matter how much i try to hide it. true, no words can change it at the moment. but knowing that you are there for me is enough to keep me going.

naalala n'yo pa ba nung pumunta tayo ng baguio years ago? there was one time na sunud-sunod tayong nag shower. kanya-kanya tayo nun. unahan pa nga dahil ang dami natin. when it was time for us to join the group, we realized that the three of us were wearing all black. galing, di ba? to think that we didn't even talk about what to wear. it only shows that somehow, iisa yung takbo ng mga isip natin. little things. yet, lots of memories.

memories... they're all i have now. sniff...

5:20 PM  
Blogger anjiedy said...

yeah, you're right..

ate: black sleeveless and black pants
diche: black shirt and black pants
me: black shirt and black short

wish we could do it again, going out of town i mean...

miss you, miss you... *kisses*

12:22 PM  
Blogger anjiedy said...

*shorts

12:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah...
and then while everyone's playing/talking/drinking we decided to walk around. it was dark and we ended up sitting on one of the roads and smoked and looked at the stars.
yeah memories....that's all i have too.

3:48 PM  
Blogger shadowlane said...

oo, naaalala ko yan. at naaalala ko rin... sa street na pababa. nakaupo ako nun sa semento... nakatanaw sa malayo. minsan, nakatingin sa langit, sa mga bituin. mag-isa lang ako. pero nakangiti. dahil kausap ko s'ya. sabi ko, ang ginaw, sana nandito ka. sabi nya, isipin mo na lang na andyan ako at yakap ka.

5:43 PM  
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"The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work." - Emile Zola (1840-1902)

-::- About Me -::-

Name: shadowlane

Location: Pasig City, Philippines

people think i'm crazy. most of the time they're right.

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